Hello,
Just a quick note to let everyone know I am still around. It has been really nuts around here. School is back in full swing and I have about 25 blessings that I have the privilege to teach daily! Mom and dad are visiting from Colorado and we have had all sorts of fun with them here. Marvin has enjoyed his daily interactions with granma and granpa.
As for the adoption, true to form, all things have come to a screeching halt. I have been badgering the agency, but they keep saying that "we will be contacted soon". Which is agency speak for "go away you are making us crazy." I still have one more class to take, a make-up from summer. It is about bonding. So once I take it we should magically hear from the agency. I am taking it next Saturday.
On another note, Marvin's old social worker contacted us. She is excited that we are getting back into the game. She told us to keep her posted. Now, knowing her as I do, something is up. Really. She is as transparent as a window on a sunny day. So I am hoping that we get this homestudy on the road before my children have to push me around in a wheelchair!
We are still up in the air about the age bracket. Marvin deserves a good match. He loves big children and adores babies. As for me I wouldn't mind another little one. Shannon would take any age. If Marvin's social worker gets involved it will be a little one. She thinks Marvin should be the big brother.
That is it for now. Endless waiting and waiting. But the end results are always worth the wait!
My Family
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Road to Forgiveness
Forgiveness is never easy. It often takes time for the pain and sting of the event to die down before I am willing to forgive. Even when I think I have forgiven and let it go sometimes anger over the event gets the best of me and I realize that I only thought I had forgiven and gotten past the event.
Recently Marvin has been having flashbacks. A lot of children who are adopted with a history of abuse are diagnosed with PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. This is brought on by a chain of abuse and neglect which basically make it really hard on them and those who love them.
To this day I don't understand why Marvin's bio mom exposed him to drugs in utero. I don't understand why she shook him so hard that he nearly died. I don't understand why she didn't seek medical help when he went unconscious. I probably never will.
All I know is that it took me a very long time not to out and out hate her. It became easier over time and now I just feel sorry for her. I am sorry that she won't get to see Marvin grow up. I am sorry that she won't get to see what a neat person he is becoming. I am sorry that she had a horrible childhood and had to live in foster care. I am sorry that she didn't know what to do.
With the slow demise of my anger came the realization that I could forgive her. Not only that but the bigger surprise that I could actually hope and pray for her to get well. I hope that she gets her life back on track for the sake of her children. For the family that she has left.
One day Marvin will know his history and the circumstances that led him to be part of our family. I hope that he will be able to forgive also. It takes a special kind of strength to do so, but it is so worth doing. It is how we heal and move on in this crazy ride we call life.
Recently Marvin has been having flashbacks. A lot of children who are adopted with a history of abuse are diagnosed with PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. This is brought on by a chain of abuse and neglect which basically make it really hard on them and those who love them.
To this day I don't understand why Marvin's bio mom exposed him to drugs in utero. I don't understand why she shook him so hard that he nearly died. I don't understand why she didn't seek medical help when he went unconscious. I probably never will.
All I know is that it took me a very long time not to out and out hate her. It became easier over time and now I just feel sorry for her. I am sorry that she won't get to see Marvin grow up. I am sorry that she won't get to see what a neat person he is becoming. I am sorry that she had a horrible childhood and had to live in foster care. I am sorry that she didn't know what to do.
With the slow demise of my anger came the realization that I could forgive her. Not only that but the bigger surprise that I could actually hope and pray for her to get well. I hope that she gets her life back on track for the sake of her children. For the family that she has left.
One day Marvin will know his history and the circumstances that led him to be part of our family. I hope that he will be able to forgive also. It takes a special kind of strength to do so, but it is so worth doing. It is how we heal and move on in this crazy ride we call life.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
250 Words
It has been a quiet stretch for the last few days here. We have unpacked, washed clothes, and gotten back in step with our routines. We are adjusting to the losses of great-grandma and Mr. P. Most of the time we find ourselves smiling about memories of chewed up carpets and eaten scrapbook supplies (from the rabbit, not great-grandma). Penelope has adjusted to her role as a "widow" and has become more snuggly and playful with us.
As life marches on we turn our attention to our unending paperwork. Shannon has finally finished reading our required books. They were pretty good. Mostly on adopting hurt children (a nice way of saying so badly abused by their bio family that you wish you could find them and string them up with thumbtacks).
So now we answer very exciting questions. How would you answer some of these doozies? At this time what type of child do you feel that you can parent? I wanted to say a live one, but Shannon won't let me. At this time, what will be your expectations of your adoptive child? Will you take a child whose parents are mentally ill? Will you take a child who light fires and hurts animals? Will you take a child who is diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, ODD, and all the other alphabet soup labels that we can attach to this child? (By the way the child is two). My favorite so far is, "Describe in 250 word or less the type of child that you would be willing to parent."
How do you answer that? Would anyone look at the children they have now and say, "So sorry, you are not what I was willing to parent, time to pack up darling." I really think that it is a rather unfair question. We are not always thrilled with our children. There are days when Marvin drives me up the wall and back down again many many many times. But I love being his mom. The funny thing was, Marvin was not what Shannon and I originally wanted. We had specifically wanted to adopt an older child. I didn't want diaper duty or potty training. I wanted a nice little elementary child. A girl as a matter of fact. We had a plan. But after several false hopes and many failures Marvin came into our lives. From the moment I met him I was hooked and couldn't wait to be his mama.
Our children have their own personalities that make them unique. They also change on a regular basis. The 18 month old Marvin who came into our home was afraid of people. He was scared of women and didn't like attention. The 4 year old Marvin loves people, demands to be the center of attention, and loves to flirt with every female. I often joke that he was replaced by a pod person.
So now I have to answer that question and all the others. Maybe I should just say I want to parent a child who is willing to have a mom, dad, and brother. Because sometimes you have to be open to possibilities. The best things seem to happen when you are. Like being Marvin's mama. I wouldn't trade in one minute of it for all the elementary girls in the world.
As life marches on we turn our attention to our unending paperwork. Shannon has finally finished reading our required books. They were pretty good. Mostly on adopting hurt children (a nice way of saying so badly abused by their bio family that you wish you could find them and string them up with thumbtacks).
So now we answer very exciting questions. How would you answer some of these doozies? At this time what type of child do you feel that you can parent? I wanted to say a live one, but Shannon won't let me. At this time, what will be your expectations of your adoptive child? Will you take a child whose parents are mentally ill? Will you take a child who light fires and hurts animals? Will you take a child who is diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, ODD, and all the other alphabet soup labels that we can attach to this child? (By the way the child is two). My favorite so far is, "Describe in 250 word or less the type of child that you would be willing to parent."
How do you answer that? Would anyone look at the children they have now and say, "So sorry, you are not what I was willing to parent, time to pack up darling." I really think that it is a rather unfair question. We are not always thrilled with our children. There are days when Marvin drives me up the wall and back down again many many many times. But I love being his mom. The funny thing was, Marvin was not what Shannon and I originally wanted. We had specifically wanted to adopt an older child. I didn't want diaper duty or potty training. I wanted a nice little elementary child. A girl as a matter of fact. We had a plan. But after several false hopes and many failures Marvin came into our lives. From the moment I met him I was hooked and couldn't wait to be his mama.
Our children have their own personalities that make them unique. They also change on a regular basis. The 18 month old Marvin who came into our home was afraid of people. He was scared of women and didn't like attention. The 4 year old Marvin loves people, demands to be the center of attention, and loves to flirt with every female. I often joke that he was replaced by a pod person.
So now I have to answer that question and all the others. Maybe I should just say I want to parent a child who is willing to have a mom, dad, and brother. Because sometimes you have to be open to possibilities. The best things seem to happen when you are. Like being Marvin's mama. I wouldn't trade in one minute of it for all the elementary girls in the world.
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