Darkest before the dawn

So it has kind of been a bummer week this past week.  It started out with me getting pretty sick.  I either caught a stomach bug or had food poisoning badly.  I started Friday night and by Monday made the first of two trips to the doctor.  They took blood and ran tests.  The big conclusion was I was dehydrated, my electrolytes were low, and I had a virus.  I got some meds to help with the pain and nausea that I was feeling and strict dietary instructions.  Which I listened to well until yesterday when I thought I was cured and ate some fast food.  Bad news, I wasn't cured and now I am feeling slightly yucky again.  So I go back on my bland diet.  I was told this could take a while to work out fully, but at least I am trying to mend up.  Shannon now has permission to fuss at me every time I think of eating no nos.

As if that wasn't enough drama my brother in law finally had his court appearance.  Back many many posts ago I talked a bit about it.  He was driving in a truck with friends, hit something on the road, stopped, one of his friends looked out and told him to drive on.  What he hit was a person.  The person had been on a motor scooter and had hit a slick part of the road and fell off.  He was already unconscious.  My brother in law was young and didn't know.  The case went cold for many years until it aired on the news and someone told.  So he turned himself in and we lived in limbo for over a year.  They wanted him to plead to a felony charge and serve max time.  Since no one is really sure what happened he said no.  So it was set to go to court with a jury.  At the ninth hour a plea deal came through.  It was accepted.  Now it is a smaller charge.  He spends about a year in jail, pays for the funereal expenses, a tombstone, and pays for flowers every year for the victim's grave.

So now we are grieving for our family and hurting pretty badly right now.  It has been hard on my husband.  He doesn't say much, but he doesn't have to.  I cry every time I think about it.  I am crying now.  His little boy will have to be away from him for a year.  His wife can't touch or hold him.  The victim's family who suffered as well.  My mother and father in law who have aged through this process.  The closure of one family has torn ours apart. 

But it is always darkest before dawn.  I hold on to faith and hope.  I have faith that even though it is my biblical time to mourn I will have my time to dance.  Little things have kept me going.  The prayers of others, the extra hugs from my son who is very sensitive to my moods, the friends who love and pray for me.  My hope that this will make our family stronger and more resilient. 

Plus new outer forces remind me that life still goes on.  We were officially approved to adopt on Friday.  Now a new part of our journey begins.  And a whole new roller coaster ride.  But I am ready.  Ready to move towards the dawn of a new journey and new day.  I'm ready to dance in the sun.