The choice we made

So when we last left off we had been presented with a child.  After long nights of debate, talking to social workers, family, the pet rabbit, reading the information, weighing the information, talking to more social workers and loosing a lot of sleep in general we made a choice. 

It wasn't an easy choice.  We had to say no.  It was a mutual break up like in dating when everybody agrees that it is no one's fault and best to part ways but you still feel really crappy anyway.  Shannon asked that I not blog about some of the reasons we discussed and I am good about that.  What I have told people is that this young man is happy and thriving where he is now.  He may have had a really hard time with a nearly five year old underfoot and feeling like he needed to compete for attention.  We (Shannon and I) lacked resources to make this a successful transition for him and we live far away from his friends and girlfriend and brother and sister.  He has so little family that every member is precious and dear to him.  Moving him away could be more harmful than helpful. 

So I have kind of been off sulking and licking my wounds.  In adoption you never know if you made the right choice or wrong one.  My mom assures me it is.  I am sure she is right too, moms usually are.  Plus the really good thing that I keep telling myself is that he has people who love him and surprisingly, are fighting so hard to keep him where he is now.  And it is a good place.  And he is a good kid.  I wish him love, happiness, and joy throughout his life.  But now it is time for me to let go and move on.  Easier said than done.  I am just a bleeding heart and wish I could keep them all.

One of the good things that came out of this is that Shannon, who had been quiet for so long (he usually is, Marvin and I are such talkers he is lucky to get a word in edgewise) spoke up and out for what he wants.  For those of you who know my husband this is a rare event.  When I ask what he wants or what he would like he is pretty much "It doesn't matter honey."  or "Whatever you want" or the one that irks the crap out of me the most "I don't care.".  Well glory be, I got an opinion out of the man=).  We were able to define what is going to work for us, age range, and gender.  The logical conclusions will save us a lot of heartache in the future.  I have an idea of what to look for now. 

So now we are ready to move on.  Sort of.  It takes me a little time to rebound after these things.  I haven't even looked at Adopt Us Kids for a week.  Shocker.  But I still believe that there is a child out there for us.  Or children.  It may take us time to find him, her, or them but I still have faith that the time will come when it will be time to fix up the guest room for a permanent occupant.  I hold on to faith and hope as I march forward in everyday life and focus on my everyday blessings.