What we need right now

-What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but no deeds?  Can such a faith save him? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to him, "Go I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?  James 2:14-16 

I don't care what you believe, those are words to live by or think about.  And I have been.  Thinking about them.  I am not a great person in a crisis.  A building could be falling over, bombs droppings, and people bleeding and I still wouldn't know what to do.  I am a person who needs directions at all times.  Not a real leadership quality, more sheep like frankly, but it is who I am. 

But recently I find myself trying harder.  I am holding doors open for people with full hands, giving out quarters for the vending machine, just smiling a little more at someone who looks like they need it(believe me if they are here and not a nurse, they need it). 

I also am trying to help out nursing interns through Cary's daily routines.  We are a teaching hospital and Cary is a unique case so the more they learn from her the more they learn how to help her.  Yes, we are still at the hospital.  It looks like it will be awhile before we go home.  Everyday is a new test.  Tomorrow we are looking at an x-ray to see how her bottle latching skills are.  Not a biggie but frustrating none the less.  I want to be at home.  Period.  Her diabetes is getting under control but because the previous foster mom neglected to do so much we need education to help our daughter achieve her full potential.  After talking to OT today, they are positive that she is going to come a long way, but frustrated that nothing has been done with her so far.  It is like a bowl of potatoes on the counter.  You can sit and stare at them all that you want, but they won't get mashed unless you do some work.  They will just rot. 

I am also not good about telling people what I need.  I like to think I can just do it all, but I am getting exhausted trying.  So I have figured out that I need help.  And support.  And prayer. 

Don't get me wrong prayer and warm thoughts are great, but as James said sometimes a little practical backup is called for.  So here are some of the needs we have right now in no particular order: 

1. Company.  As much as I love nurses, doctors, PT,OT, ABC-XYZ they cannot replace friends and family.  If you are uncomfortable being in a hospital Shannon or I would meet you downstairs in the cafe or other non-threat areas.  The only reason I am here is because of Cary, not for kicks and jollies.  You can even phone and talk to me.  Mind you, I get interrupted quite a bit because of nurses and such but I still like human voices. 

2.  Food.  We need healthy food.  Not Chick-Fil-A or carb crap.  O.K.  a little carb crap.  You can just drop it off and run or stay and visit.  It is really expensive having to buy all of our meals and the choices are not always that healthy.  We have a tiny fridge here and one of us goes home at nights so the food would keep safe. 

3.  Stuff for the baby.  Right now Cary is stuck to an IV and wires.  They decrease daily, but she still is crib bound a lot.  My good friend bought her a balloon and she has really enjoyed looking at it.  Her room is bare and cold.  They have broken and dirty toys here with no really good baby stuff.  I have read her the same three board books over and over and over.  She is not complaining, but I am.  A mobile, balloons, a toy or two that flashes and lights up to help improve her focus.  Soft thick blankets.  They keep the room like a Popsicle and she is getting a skin rash from hard scratchy hospital sheets.  CDs.  Anything really.  Just something to keep her entertained for how ever long they are going to imprison us here. 

4.  Movies.  For us.  Shannon or I sit up at nights and are here pretty much all day long.  Cary does sleep.  So a nice comedy would be good to watch on the laptop.  Shannon has a thing about depressing movies so the happier the better. 

I'm not posting this list to guilt people into doing things.  Please don't feel that you must.  People have been asking and as I said I have a hard time with the idea that I am not wonder woman.  I am happy with the prayers and thinking of yous as well.  I really appreciate them. 

Thank you all for your love!  We are still holding on to hope!