Life Incompatible

"You're little girl went to Atlanta and brought back the flu."

I sat in the pediatrician's office and tried to take it in.  Here was Cary Lynn playing and smiling with the flu.  The happiness didn't last long.  In under 24 hours she went from playing and singing to fighting to survive.  

In the ER her oxygen was low.  X-Rays showed pneumonia in addition to the flu.  I was terrified.  Our hospice team stayed with me for the unfolding nightmare.  A DNR was brought up again.  Most of it was a blur, I do remember texting Shannon saying it was pretty bad, please come.  

Its always scary to have your child in the hospital.  For me, it's even more of a nightmare.  I never know if this is the last time.  Will this be the time I push an empty wheelchair home?  All I could do was hold that little hand and think just keep breathing baby, just keep breathing.  

We were told that if she stopped breathing she couldn't support a trach.  We were told that she wasn't life compatible.  We were told that we should think of how we wanted her final moments to be.  

All I wanted to do was scream, NO THIS ISN'T THE WAY HER STORY WILL END!!!  

And it wasn't.  In true Cary Lynn fashion she made it home 4 days later.  She was on oxygen but she was home.  

Recovery was slow but steady.  Cary Lynn fought and won.  Because she's stronger than people give her credit for.  

I was also thankful for everyone who stepped forward to help us out.  This was a time when we needed support and so many came forward (at a safe distance, I didn't want to share the flu!).  My parents came out on a scheduled trip and getting that extra space to breathe was so wonderful.  Not to mention the extra spoiling that took place. 

Nothing like being held by our favorite grandpa.  She adores the attention!

This was a hard admission.  Not that any of them are a walk in the park, but this one had much scarier undertones.  Being told that your kid isn't a great candidate for life wasn't incredibly comforting either.  But Cary Lynn is a fighter.  She continues to overcome ridiculous odds on a daily basis and for every she won't, she does it just to prove a point.  

I'm proud of her.  I'm proud of how freaking amazing she is and how she just keeps going even when the world doesn't give her a fair shot.  She may always be considered incompatible with life, but no one gave her that memo so I'm going to just let her continue to shine and show the world that she isn't going to throw in the towel anytime soon.