We Don't Know What the Future Looks Like

 I can't speak for the future.  I have no crystal ball.- Micheal Jordan

That is certainly true.  For example, if you had told me one year ago that Marvin and I would be sitting at our local community college discussing PSEO classes, I probably wouldn't have believed it.  

Yet today that's exactly what we did.  

Somehow the kid, who in preschool had a teacher who said he didn't have a lot of potential because of all his behavioral problems, registered for an on-campus tour and drug me down there.  Technically, I'm still his ride, but sitting there and watching him scratch down a few notes and calculate all the big bucks he might make if he decided to move forward with heavy-duty truck technology kind of made me a bit teary.  

He's come a long way.  He still has medical issues and requires some support, but at the same time seeing how far he's come just never ceases to amaze me.  

I don't know what his future will hold, but I have no doubt that whatever it is, it will be amazing.  

Marching to our new normal

 The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well-Alfred Adler

Well normal would not be something we are well known for around here, but our not-so-normal is becoming something we are getting used to.  

The big hulking human (well at least to me, I'm 5'2", and everything over that is huge) has decided to keep his doctors scratching their heads.  To be fair, he always had medical "stuff", but it was only in the past 3ish years we got names to them.  POTS and MCAS have been the all-star line-up.  

The worst part was getting shuffled around and blown off.  We even went to a highly recommended pediatrician and she suggested we put my son in an eating disorder clinic.  Yeah, I'm sure that would cure POTS in a heartbeat.  

So anyway, my child WITHOUT an eating disorder finally was seen by a specialist who knew POTS and teamed up with our local cardiologist.  It was magic and stuff started happening.  They actually listened to Marvin and came up with a plan to help him. 

Marvin has a port now and gets IV fluids twice a week.  He is on specialized medication to help his MCAS.  For the first time in years, we have something I had not thought possible.  Stability.  

At his doctor's appointment, his specialist commented that this was the first time in three years that Marvin was stable.  Not only stable but growing and thriving.  I wanted to hug the doctor but he said he hates people, so I just shook his hand instead.  I'm pretty sure he washed it after that.  

No new medications, no new therapies to add for this at least, and NO VISITS for 6 months. I am beyond thankful.  

The one thing I have learned with my kids is that you can't give up.  You have to fight.  Even when you are worn out, just keep fighting.  Because Marvin deserves more than subpar services.  All of our kids do.  

After a longer than normal pause........

“When you feel the pressure to respond.. know that it’s not the right moment to respond.. pull back and pause, reflect, re-think"-Jaya Bhateja

It has been a while.  I kept telling myself that today I write something.  That today kept getting pushed back over and over.  

Honestly, my heart hasn't been in it, and after losing Cary Lynn part of my voice died that day as well.  I know that sounds incredibly melodramatic, but it's true.  She was a tiny human, but she made a big impact.  

She still lives on.  In the organ donations, the speeches I give about her impact at local organizations, and in a nifty article in the Journal of Pediatric Ethics. Also, she is part of the Born Able book series. She is enjoying a highly active afterlife, which I believe suits her just fine.  

As for the rest of us, life has never slowed down.  I think it was a well-meaning, but mistaken assumption that things would be "quieter" after my daughter passed and that I would get my well-deserved parental rest, sitting quietly on the sofa eating bon bons and watching bad reality shows. 

With another medically complex kid in the home, my own health issues, two dogs, a husband who changed jobs, and no health insurance for a month while things flip over, and my advocacy work I think I am just as busy now as I was before.  If not more so.  I have told my husband at this point I will rest when I am dead.  With my luck, someone will track me down in a seance and remind me that I left that load of laundry in the washing machine and what should we eat for dinner.  

Anyway, I think life will always be busy for me.  When self-care is mentioned by my medical team I snort and ask when they are going to come to my house and take care of things so I can do this mythical ritual that they speak of.  Although not having insurance this month has been great, because they can't bug me so maybe I will consider that my self-care moment.  

I'm going to try to get back into writing more.  A good friend and I talked about it and I realized about a week ago how much I miss it and how many things have happened in the needed pause.  Thanks for being patient with me while I pause.  Hug your family tight too.  Tomorrow is never promised.