My Family

My Family

Friday, May 30, 2014

The Village People

No this post is not about the group nor am I going to burst forth into a really bad YMCA routine.

What it is about is my village.  And the people who make it work.  Monthly, weekly, daily, and sometimes minute by minute.

When you have a child with special needs it truly takes a village to rally round and hold down the fort.  When you have two children with special needs your village gets really really big.  I'm thinking of applying for my own state.

Even though the roads to my village are rarely paved and down right pothole-ish at times I have had people come and make it their home.  They are the unsung and unappreciated heroes who often get the thankless jobs and have to deal with me.  I'm not the easiest person at times.  I have little patience for the ridiculous, will ask endless questions to get the answers I seek, and will call and badger a person to death to get what my children need.  I also have a bit of a temper when having to deal with a person I know is capable of more and they refuse to give it their all.  Fun times, eh.

But despite that these people have stuck by me through it all.  When I started this journey I had broad assumptions of who would be there and who wouldn't.  Well let's just say I have been surprised time and time again.  I know that the road is rocky but most of the people who I thought would stick by me dropped our family and ran.  But I also met and made friends with some incredible people along the way.

So this post may start sounding a little Miss America-ish and if you want to stop reading right here and go watch TV that's OK.  You just won't be on my list.  Haha.  Just kidding.  Maybe.  Anyway here is a shout out to my village.

My family.  Seriously, if I don't place them at no. 1 I may be disowned.  But really they have been there for me.  My family has grown and changed in amazing ways this past year.  I have discovered a whole new branch on my family tree.  Very cool stuff!  But mom and the hubs are still number one!  Mom has been so awesome and checks in on me on a regular basis.  The kids adore her.
Shannon is a great guy.  He also adores his kids.  We may disagree on little things, like I prefer the toilet paper on the toilet paper spindle and he prefers to have me play where is the toilet paper today in the bathroom, but I can always count on him. 
I also couldn't have made it through the last year without Cary Lynn's nurse.  One of her favorite phrases is "It's all good."  She has kept me sane and made sure that Cary Lynn remains in one piece.  She is a nurse so she knows a lot about the medical side of it all and keeps it pretty real.  She is also as hard as heck to get a picture of so if she reads this she will be relieved to know that I couldn't find a current one.  I am going to have to start stalking her with a camera next week.  

My children's therapy team.  We have a really great team.  Most of my children's therapies happen at Brooke Road.  The therapists have their work cut out for them as my children can be uncooperative about 90 percent of the time (their asleep the other 10 percent).  But through it all they have pushed my kids and gotten amazing results.  I also handpicked Cary Lynn's vision therapist and we just love love love her!  She is the only early intervention person I have left and despite my strong dislike of how EI  is run where we are she is one of the reasons I have hope for the program.  

Children's Home Society and Noah's Children.  Two organizations that have had a big impact on our family. CHS facilitated the adoption of Cary Lynn but have really helped me advocate and get services for Marvin. They check in on me on a regular basis, help me wade through endless paperwork to get services, provided us with a family counselor to help Marvin with trauma issues, and introduced me to a rocking mama who adopted two children from them!  She has grown into an amazing friend and we are wading through the adoption journey together.  

Noah's has also been really helpful in connecting us to a community of people who are going through many of the same struggles of having medically complex children.  They visit, call, and have provided our children with music therapy.  They are also starting a pet therapy program and we are super excited to have visiting dogs.  The events they do for families are amazing and they are sending my son to camp this summer so he can just do something normal.  Something that other kids his age get to do.  When you live my life normal isn't a daily occurrence.  So letting him have time to breathe and be a little boy is a huge thing for us.  

Buddy Break and members of Trinity.  The special needs program is amazing but what blows my mind is that even though we don't attend there right now is that they still check in on me, involve our family, and just love on us.  We have a good church right now.  And lots of love from some of the folks at CVAG.  It is good to know our family is loved and cared about.  Plus many of the families at my last job who have brought me countless hospital meals and spared me from another night of Subway.  

They are last on the list but certainly not least.  My mom support group.  I was so lucky to find them.  They have been in the trenches and can change a g-tube blindfolded on burning coals.  They answer questions, calm fears, and most of all support each other.  I have seen lots of other groups henpeck and get ugly.  I have yet to see this group do that.  They support each other, kind words and encouragement are given freely.  When I have a bad day they offer support.  When I have a good day they celebrate with me. Because of them I have reached out towards others and come alongside of them on their journeys.  They help bring out the best in me.  

These people aren't everyone in my village but they are the heart of my village.  As I add people to it and become part of other villages my life and my children's lives become better for it.  So thank you for all that you guys do.  You have made a difference in our lives!  

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Marvin's Seven

This post is a little late, story of my life lately but with battling pink eye, a stomach bug, and and child developmental testing Marvin has had an extremely busy and active month.  Some of it not so much fun for him.

Where did my pudgy 18 month old go.  Marvin's first birthday with us was when he was two.
Feel free to ooh and ahh while I get a bit teary here.  See that smile?  When he first smiled at me when we got him I was like, yup I'm done.  That kid could ask me to jump off a cliff and I would happily do it.

Now here we are at seven.
Still a crazy happy kid and that smile!  He's a little tired in the pic from his afternoon of water sliding but he still had more energy than the rest of us!

What amazes me time and time again is that after he has lived through so much he still has the ability to be so happy and free.  His past will always be a part of who he is.  The abuse and neglect that he lived through. The fact that the meth his bio mom took has chemically altered his brain in ways that science is just beginning to understand as we raise our generation of meth babies to adulthood.

Some days and some things aren't easy for him and not everyone understands that or gets it.  I would love for Marvin to be "fine" and "well" but that has been like chasing an illusive butterfly at times.  Every day is different and every hour is different.  So we have learned to slow down and take it a little bit at a time.

Marvin has come a long way in his life and journey.  He tries hard, works harder, and is a pretty happy little person wanting to grow up way before his mama is ready.  He is already wanting to be eight while I'm still trying to wrap my mind around him being seven.  Marvin wants time to speed up while I just want to grab it by the tail and slow it way down.  

This coming year will have new challenges and be a new season of life for him.  Time won't slow down so I'm just going to have to get used to my little one growing and embrace this new season.  

Happy Birthday Marvin.  You were the first person to show me what unconditional love and joy were.  You taught me that even if the past is hard the future is worth fighting for.  That sometimes it is better to let things go and live for now.  That eating ice cream for breakfast won't kill you (although your teacher may not appreciate it).  For being my firstborn, making our family tree more diverse and unique just because of you being you.  For being the first one in your bio family to come out of a cycle of drugs, poverty, neglect, and abuse and to grow strong and healthy.  I love you.