My Family

My Family

Saturday, May 26, 2012

The great kindergarten war of 2012 and adoption update

It has been a bit crazy at the ranch recently.  As the post title says, yes we did have quite a blowout over Marvin's upcoming year. 

It started simply.  My in-laws started hinting that public kindergarten enrollment was soon upon us.  Did we need help getting Marvin on and off the bus? 


I am a teacher at a really nice Montessori school.  We have a kindergarten program.  I am very fond of it.  Thanks, but no thanks. 

Then the pressure started to build.  Well meaning friends and family begin chiming in.  My husband started singing the praises of our public school system.  He suggested that since Marvin is in my class and I am the teacher it would be good if we were not so "entangled".  He also had many other reasons that I could write several other blog posts on.  Some were valid.  Some weren't.  I even got our pediatrician's advice on the matter.  She said that most private schools were in it for the money and would say just about anything to keep parents shelling out.  She said Marvin would be fine in public.  Let's just say after I got through with her I got a really nice apology from the doctor's office.

So I felt like I was the only one in the world who really wanted Marvin to stay put.  I was really upset.  I felt like Marvin was not ready yet.  It was really ugly and tense for a while.  Then I got support from a most unlikely person.  Marvin.  He started to speak up.  He told his grandma that he liked his school.  He told his daddy that mommy was the best teacher.  That he WAS going back.  That he needed to be with his crew.  He told me that there was no bus in his future. He wanted his green notebook, folder, and Ms. Tina.  That was simply that. 

Then I begin to gather my wits and stopped behaving like a hysterical twit and acted like the professional educator that I know I am.  I begin to present research, facts, stats, and my professional observations about our son.  I used the knowledge I had about meth kids and shaken baby.  I also did some honest research into our public school system.  It all boiled down to Marvin's needs and the fact that I am staying at my school until I retire or die. 

So a peace treaty was signed.  Marvin comes with me for his kindergarten year.  As in all wars there are concessions made.  I had to make certain agreements and concessions.  Now we have some family who are very upset that Marvin is staying on and they have no problems letting me know that I am ruining my child's life and that it is a very big mistake to keep him in an environment that he is obviously so happy and thriving in (insert eye roll here).  So I am weathering the storm.  They also point out that if we get a school age child that they will go to public and it would be easier to have Marvin there as well.  There are many other reasons and I am still quite steamed so I just remind myself to take deep breaths and remind myself that all will be well in the kingdom soon enough. 

That being said I do have some brief adoption updates.  All the social workers that we are dealing with have gone on tropical vacations and will be back next to never.  That being said we do have a lead on a little girl and a sibling group of two boys.  Both are very promising and even though it is way to early in the game to get excited I really am.  I have high hopes and prayers that one or the other will work out.  I will keep you posted. 

Have a great long weekend and safe travels to my family and friends! 

Friday, May 18, 2012

Life in the fast lane

The title about sums it all up for me.  It has been like living in pit row around here and it doesn't slow down.  At least not until after Memorial Day. 

Here are some of the highlights of life in general at Casa De La Fields. 

I am now blogging at Hopeful Parents once a month.  For those of you who don't know about it, it is a grassroots website dedicated to parents with special needs children.  I found out about them when we were adopting Marvin or somewhere thereafter.  It is a big deal to get to write for them and I am proud to be a contributor to their blog.

Mother's Day went off without a hitch.  Well sort of.  My sister-in-law still has a hard time with her situation.  I don't blame her.  My wonderful, amazing, caring, husband bought her flowers to make up for the fact that Brandon won't be able to this year.  I really have a keeper.  Marvin painted me magnets for the fridge and immediately demanded them back.  I said no and they are up high so he can't get at them.  I have also let go of a boatload of hostility that I felt toward Marvin's birth mom and I feel much better now.

Marvin is now five!!  Huzzah!!!  After ten days of fighting for his life at a hospital, grim future outlook on him, and boatloads of alphabet soup labels, my son sees, hears, bonds with others, runs, plays, talks back, drives me nuts, and I thank God for every last precious minute of it!  He got his barn and Shannon won tickets to the Dr. Seuss musical so we had a blast.  The downside is now I have this big play barn in our small home (yes mom you did tell me this would be a problem but it makes your grandson happy) and he delights in dragging it into places where I almost fall and break my leg on it. 

In other home front news Brandon is coming home.  Not to stay.  The jail has given him a pass to be home Memorial Day weekend.  The trade off is that he has to serve these three days in jail and it will tack on to the end of his sentence.  It is hard for our family, but darn it, Cole needs his daddy and my sister-in-law needs her husband.  This whole mess has just left us topsy-turvey.  My nephew just had his tonsils and adenoids out and tubes put in all at once.  His daddy should be there, not locked away.  I am just so mad about it all I could scream.  Or cry.  Possibly both.  If there is one lesson I learned it is mistakes will come back to haunt you so just confess and get it over with.  It is worse to pretend it never happened.  All darkness will have light shed on it eventually.  Better to put your flashlight on it than to have a big bright spotlight put on it by the public.  That is my home grown wisdom for the day. 

Oh yeah, the second adoption.  Well things are trudging along.  And I do mean trudging.  Slow slow slow.  We have some possibilities, but all the social workers in the world decided to go on break.  Yep.  I think they do it to annoy me.  It works.  Big time.  But I still am hoping for my miracle.  Or two.  We are looking at a sibling group.  Both boys.  The girls are all still under rocks somewhere.  In my perfect world we would hear something soon so I could have the summer months to get to know a new child.  That would be nice, but right now not a reality. 

So that about sums up where we are and what we are up to.  I am hoping to have some real breaking news on the adoption front to share soon, but for now it is all hurry up and wait.  The one thing that would be nice to move like pit row is more like a turtle with a big lead weight attached to its back.  But that tends to be the way life works.  Some things move fast and it is all I can do to keep up and some things drag and no matter how hard I push to move forward in this mess the system just refuses to be rushed.  I am holding on to hope that I will soon welcome another child into pit row.  But for now I have to be patient with going one lap at a time in our crazy every day life.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Where we are, Marvin's big day, and just catching up


I am tired after just writing the title=).  Where to begin?  I guess at the first part of where we are in the adoption process.  The answer to that is we are still nowhere. 

Are you surprised?  I am not.  Frustrated, but not surprised.  We do have some good news though.  At least I think it is good news.  Our teen social worker is now an official graduate and has been hired to work at Children's Home Society full time.  Yippee!!  That means as far as we know we get to keep her as far as I know.  That could still change, but I hope not.  I really do like her even when she is never around.  But that is most social workers so nothing new on that one. 

We were presented with another child that has a history of acting out sexually with younger children.  Three guesses to what I said to that one.  Really???  I have a little one in the home.  I asked his worker if she was smoking something.  In a nice way of course.  She thought he had improved, but I said that he wasn't getting a chance here.  She was genuinely upset and I probably have to cross New Hampshire off my list, but I will live. 

We are waiting to hear about two young boys.  One is here in VA and the other is in PA.  I had hoped to hear something this week but of course our social worker has decided to drop off the face of the planet for a week.  I have no idea why.  I am sure she is busy taking more time off.  I really hope when she is a full time employee that she has to work a few more hours.  I am thinking that she is graduating or doing some stuff for CHS, but one never knows.  It is really hard to be patient. 

On a real positive note our precious baby boy is about to turn five!  Wow.  I get really teary thinking about it.  He was just this little pudgy bundle when we first got him and now he is going to be a kindergartner.  Excuse me well I get a tissue.  O.K.  pulling it together here.  Marvin has been such a joy to our family.  I love being a mommy. 

Last year we had his first party.  We went to the Ashland Berry Farm and picked strawberries.  Marvin had wanted a Gator and we did a party.  After the party he asked why he didn't get his Gator.  Try explaining a budget to a new four year old.  It didn't work.  So this year when I asked him what he wanted he told me he wanted a toy barn for his tractors.  Not just a plastic piece of junk.  We have gone through two of those.  He showed me what he wanted.  A really nice "heirloom quality" barn.  According to the ad.  All I saw was price.  Really.  So I talked to Shannon about it.  He said Marvin could have a party or a big red barn.  So we went back and forth.  The decision we made was the right one.  We bought the farm.  Here are some pics of it. 

This thing is huge!  Marvin has not stopped playing with it.  It is empty now but we plan on getting some farm stuff to go with it.  Like animals and a few people.  Marvin has drug this thing everywhere except the bathtub.  I have to draw the line somewhere. 

So now we are officially just going to have his VA grandparents and his cousin Cole and aunt for a little meal and playtime.  I am kind of sad.  I wanted to give him a little party, but sometimes the god of budget just says no.  Plus Marvin has not said one peep about a party so I am guessing that it is not going to bother him one bit.  Just me, but I will get over it. 

Other than that, life goes on.  I have finished up conferences for another year, Shannon is working like crazy, I am working like crazy, and we have finally decided about Marvin's kindergarten year.  But that is another post all together.  Life continues and I just can't put it on hold for adoption.  We have too much happening.  Like my little garden, two big school functions, and a crazy rabbit.  It is a crazy busy life and I wouldn't change it for the world!