So far I would say tricked. Let me back up my train of thought on that one. I am listed on Adopt Us Kids. It is a pretty decent website. I would encourage anyone looking into adoption to go on, create a profile, and look at what is available. In our house we call it "kid shopping". Or browsing really. Right now the market is slimmer thanks in part to adoptive parents becoming more proactive, laws changing to get kids out of the system, and some social workers whom I am sure will have very special places in heaven for what they do.
So I have a profile and not only can I contact others about children, social workers can scope me out. When they do I tell them one of a few things. If it is a child I am really interested in following up with I will let them know that I am in the process of the home study and tell them where I am at. Most social workers are very nice and want their kids to have good homes so they say great, just send in a study when you are done. We are actively searching and don't want to miss out on a good home for "Billy" or "Jenny", but if they are still available when you are done (and chances are they will be) let us know! Some are super super nice and just even check in to see how I am holding up through the process and hear about our little man. Marvin is my adoption testimony=). I could talk about him for hours.
So recently, another social worker contacted us about a little girl named Mackenzie. She is two, has mild Cerebral Palsy, a trachea tube, and is fed by G-tube but is learning to eat. So I send out my gentle but pat response. Here is what she wrote back: "You do not have a home study. You will NOT be considered as a suitable family for Mackenzie. Your family will not be considered. You are NOT a match." Hello???? Was that rude or am I being a bit sensitive here? Maybe both. Anyway after I got over the bee sting response I got mad. I mean really really really unchristainly mad. This kid is going to rot in the system mad. The another child looses a possible home mad. You know someone has to be a voice for these kids. So I did something I wouldn't have done during Marvin's adoption process. I wrote back! Here in a nutshell is what I said: "I am sorry you do not believe we are a match. As it stated I am in the process. I can only go as fast as our new agency will allow. Believe me if I could wave a wand you would have a home study now. It is a broken system, but it is all we have. As for this little child that has been made some sort of pawn in your game I feel tragically sorry for her. I feel that you are being judgemental and unfair and that she is being cheated of all possibilities of a good match. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that same two year old will be on this site until she is 18 and ages out if you are unwilling to look at all possibilities. You will not find many families like ours. I can tell you sitting in on my classes that NO ONE WANTED A HANDICAPPED KID!!!!! They all wanted a nice kid with few or little health problems. This poor little girl already has so many strikes against her. Yet you would limit her chances even further is unreal. In then end we will all reap what we have sown. Beware of what you sow now. "
So how did I do? Within an hour I had gotten an apologetic response of sorts from her. But I don't feel very victorious. Mackenzie is still without a home. So are many others. It is just not fair. We are a good family who are up to date on all our shots. So why does it have to be so hard????
Next week we go in for our second interview. I am pretty prepared. We also are going to have a celebration. We will be going to Prince George county to celebrate with families who have been blessed (and cursed) by adoption. There we will share food, laugh with others, weep with others, and share the greatest gift of all. Hope. Hope that in spite of a broken system that there are families out there who won't give in and maybe someday a little one like Mackenzie can look into a woman's eyes and call her mama.