My Family

My Family

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The 411 on what's happening

It has been a busy couple of weeks here as we prepare for our new addition to our family.  Life just picks up and is going at hyper speed.  So I am taking this post to answer some FAQs that Shannon and I have had. 

How did this happen?  I thought you said there were no babies and you were getting an older child. 

That is generally true.  There usually are no babies and toddlers.  Most infants and young toddlers are adopted through private agencies.  Children like Marvin and Harmani are once in a blue moon.  When a young child comes into the system they usually have special needs.  That is the case with both Marvin and Harmani. 

What's wrong with the baby? 

This is a tricky question.  Well not that tricky.  She was a preemie born at 28 weeks and was not eating.  She was being fed through a nasal tube.  Now she is taking a bottle and loves her feeding time.  She has some vision issues and may require glasses.  She requires some PT.  But she is making strides.  When we adopted Marvin he was done with all these things and requires maintenance.  With Harmani we will be coming in at the beginning instead of the end. 

How will you work and take care of the baby? 

Well that was the hard part.  When we were first told about the baby I started making plans for her care and looking into daycares that specialized in preemies and their needs.  Then I found out that there were a lot more things that needed to be done.  I wanted it all and started to realize that I couldn't have it all.  It was crushing.  I cried lots and lots and lots.  Shannon and I ran scenarios and looked at all options.  So after much thought, praying, and agony we decided that I would stay home.  It was a hard choice.  I love my job, my co-workers, and my boss.  They get me.  And they like me in spite of all the nutso things I do.  I love the children.  They bring me joy.  Plus I love to teach.  So after a lot of Kleenex and support I am starting to get cautiously excited about my new role. 

When are you bringing the baby home? 

The baby's social worker is on vacation this week but she is looking to expedite it and we are pushing through another mountain of paperwork.  Ms. J is looking for it to happen soon.  She said mid-August, but knowing how much of a roller coaster ride this has been I wouldn't be surprised if she wants to place next week.  But we are looking at a soft date of the 14th or 15th.   

When is the adoption finalized? 

Here again is a tricky question.  This is a legal risk adoption.  The parental rights have not been terminated.  We are going into this process labeled as a "foster parent with intent to adopt".  What that means is that even though we are the chosen ones at this point a bio family member may come out of the woodwork and want to adopt Harmani.  We don't anticipate this happening, but we are still taking a big risk.  But no pain, no gain.  And she is worth the risk. 

How do you say her name? 

Well, you change it so you can say it.  Haha.  We are changing it.  Her name is Cary Lynn.  Cary after my sister and Lynn is my middle name.  We have to retain her original name until the adoption is finalized and by then I hope to learn how to pronounce it.  I have heard her worker pronounce it several different ways so I am hoping to clear it up. 

Do you have a picture? 

Yes I do.  Mind you it is the same one as I posted on Facebook but still so dog gone cute!

Feel free to say Awwww.  We have a picture on the fridge and Marvin kisses it every day.  It is super cute. 

So what happens to Marvin? 

Well we decided to keep him as well.  Hahaha.  I know I know.  Well that was tough as well.  Not only was I stepping down but we had to make a choice for Marvin as well.  He will be going to a school up here.  Not my favorite choice but I have reserved the right to home school if things start going south.  People keep telling me he will be fine, but I have strong reservations about it.  He is going through some transitional upsets right now and wetting himself.  This is normal and I we are spending lots of time with him talking things out and encouraging him to express himself.  He and I are role playing about the new baby.  He is relieved to know that she doesn't want his tractors right now and that he doesn't have to share doggie (his lovie). 

That is where we are.  I am feeling more positive about things and my sense of peace is coming back.  Reading my last few posts I realize I was pretty negative.  I hate when I am not in control and that makes me really crabby.  But as I said, things are a little more smooth now and though I realize with DSS I will never be fully in control I am coming to understand the lay of the land and feel that I can adapt to the needs of those around me.  We had to make some pretty hard choices and I was pretty upset and scared.  But now that we have made them and we are marching forward I wonder what I was so upset and afraid.  I look on the face of my son and new daughter and I am ready to embrace the future.  No matter what comes.  

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